just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
