So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
