260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
