you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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