By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
