I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
honey bunches of taint.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
