It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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