You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You were trust falling into bushes
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
