Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
