Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
