Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
