There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
