dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Randomize
