You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
