left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
