I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
