I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
