At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
