It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
