remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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