I just made out with a guy for $7.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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