Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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