Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
