drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
When are your genitals available?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
