This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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