I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
