Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
