he wants to bone in the snuggie
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
