I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
