i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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