hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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