We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
