Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
