i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
