I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He passed out mid-signature
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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