I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I love having hate sex.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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