Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
