I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
