But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
