Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
