It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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