She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
