we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
