the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
