Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
