She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
