I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
