I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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