if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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