Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
