im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
