I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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