if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
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