I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
